Baby Blowout Story #3: White Trash in Luxury Paradise

Baby Blowout Story #2: The Triple Threat!
This story comes from long time reader, first time writer who I will call D Fresh. While not a “blowout” story per se, it captures the spirit:
I was in San Diego working. My wife and two twin sons were all sick. One of the boys never pukes but the other and his mother are hardcore pukers at the drop of a hat. While the two boys are playing, the easy-puke son threw up on himself and his brother. My wife was obviously disgusted and threw the boys in the bathtub to get clean. A sensible thing to do for a mom, right?
Soon she hears them laughing and doesn’t think much about it. She goes in to check on them and the other son had pooped in the bathtub, which he was doing every four out of five trips to the bathtub at this point in his life. This time, they had put the poop in each other’s hair and were laughing every time they put on another piece. My wife was super-disgusted and throws them into the shower in the other bathroom. She figured she’d shower with them for craziness containment and efficiency of cleaing them up. As soon as she gets in, she gets overwhelmed with the smell of poop, already being nauseous, and hurls on both boys. To review, we went from one puking on two, then gelling each other’s hair with poop, to mom puking on both of the boys. The power of smell is amazing.
Baby Blowout Story: #1
Get ready for a week-long dedication to baby blow out stories here on He Shat, She Shat! As parents, we recognize how much fecal matter becomes a part of your life. We will share with you our stories and hope you will share yours in the comments section:
It was a lovely trip to the zoo with my 9 month old. I love this age because they are old enough to really get the excitement of things and are no longer floppy and boring. Given this recent musculature development in my child I was able to do things I could never do before like carry him in one arm while he was upright, extend him over the younger elementary school children so he could see the Polar Bears, and of course, to ride him on my shoulders.
The ironic thing is that when it happened I was actually ducking for cover as a flock of geese had let loose a bombardment of excrement my way. As it was a warm summers day and my propensity to sweat were both in full force I didn’t think anything of it for a few moments. You would have thought that the smell would have triggered my brain but as many of you may know breastfed babies poo really does not smell at all.
It wasn’t until I felt it running down my collarbone and belly that I realized something was wrong. The blowout was occuring upon my neck and, being a concerned father, I had baby squished right against me as to prevent any possible falling. The waterfall of yellow seed blowout diarrhea poo was upon me, covering my entire torso and neck.
Aside from the misery of the lengthy trip home, wiping myself off with diaper wipes in a public place, and the knowledge that I was a terrible replacement for a diaper at least I can take solace in the fact that I wasn’t the only thing that was shat upon that trip. Wifey got a hairful of goose!
Brotip #1735 – Answering a Toy Phone
Let me give you a tip from a brand new parent of two little boys (coming direct from www.brotips.com):
That is about as true as a statement as you’ll ever read – here on He Shat She Shat or anywhere else. If you are the kind of male that won’t play pretend with your kid when he/she hands you a toy phone, you can go ahead and consider yourself a sucky parent. Period. If you are that person, there is still hope for you – but it is going to require that you don’t be such a piece of crap and learn to actually care about something other than yourself. You up for the challenge?
Watch Out – I’m Silent But Deadly

“Every person has a slightly different collection of bacteria and yeasts in their gut, and each organism contributes a slightly different nuance to the overall fragrance and volume of gas. Just as a fine wine keeps the palate stimulated with a variety of taste “notes,” each person’s unique batch of intestinal organisms lends shading to the stench of their farts. Your roommate (and my brother, apparently) simply have a collection of organisms that produce a horrid, malodorous, voluminous reek.”
“In 1997, Chester Weimer was granted patent No. 5593398 entitled “Protective underwear with malodorous flatus filter.” The undergarment has a pocket on the rear that has a replaceable activated charcoal packet, which the subject farts through. The sound and odor are muffled by passage through the filter. I’d suggest buying a pair for your roommate and see if they work. If they do, you’ll be living in a more fart-free environment. If they don’t you will have a hilarious story to tell your friends. Either way it’s win-win for you.”
I have to get me some of these underwears…
Farting in Public – To Shame or to Be Ashamed?
