Tricks of The Farting Trade – Fart Capturing

It’s an age-old mystery. You let out the rankest, thickest, post-legume eating air biscuit and while everyone around you quickly vacates the premises with a look of sheer disgust, you stand there, liberally breathing in and admiring your thunder from down under. Even as I write this on the dooker, I’m basking in the aroma that fills the room with a sense of accomplishment/comfort. Is it something nature has built into us so we can mark our territory in the wilderness? Or is it something we develop the more time we spend with our gas and poop?

At any rate, this super power we possess opens the door for many opportunities of teasing and torture, my two favorite of which are covered wagons and cup o’ farts. For those unfortunate enough to not know what I’m referring to, allow me to explain. You’re laying in bed with your spouse and have the sudden urge to release some vaporized poo. Not wanting to let this opportunity go to waste, you let it out and before your spouse has the opportunity to exit the bed, you pull the covers over her head and trap her in the foul stench. You have just executed a flawless covered wagon.

Then we have the cup o’ fart. This sly trick can be executed at any time and in any location. All you need is your hand, a ready-to-be-released barking spider and a poor, unsuspecting target. When you’re ready, you drop the stinker into your open palm and quickly close it, trapping in the fart bubbles, only to be released under the nose of the aforementioned target. Years ago, a friend of mine took the cup o’ fart to a whole new level and introduced me to the jar of farts. He successfully trapped a nasty butt trumpet in a mason jar which he let ferment on his bedroom shelf. The concoction was released 6 months later under the nose of his dad who first dry heaved, then chased him around the house, cursing his name.