Home > Personal Stories, Topic Discussion, Women Only > Gender Studies: It’s That Time of the Month…Again

Gender Studies: It’s That Time of the Month…Again

Well guys, I’m constipated this week. And if you’ve read my first post, you know this is unusual for me. Wait, let me clarify this for you: I’m still BMing several times a day, but there’s a little more bloating, gas, and general discomfort. This happens every month—the week before my period.

In fact, this pattern is so predictable, that I don’t need a calendar to track my menstruation…I know Crampa  (I like to call him Cramps) and Aunt Flow are coming to town solely based on my poop patterns. I start to constipate.  I begin to cramp up–is it the ensuing shedding of my endometrial lining, or the backed up poo?  It’s oversimplifying to say they’re mutually exclusive.   The only solace I find at my monthly constipation is the knowledge that I will soon get to experience the joys of Period Poo. Period Poo is something every female knows about. If you don’t believe me, ask your girlfriends, ask your wives.

Period Poo works something like this: you start your period. The combination of stored poop and period cramps takes it toll. You power walk to the toilet, sit down and PLOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!  You drop a ginormous load.   That first dropped load unlocks the 5+ dookies you had waiting to be delivered. Soon, your tummy flattens and you don’t mind bleeding like an animal because you’re skinnier than you were before it started. This is the weird stuff ladies think about.

While all this sounds lovely (I’m sure), there are a few downsides. 1. It is a hell of a lot more stinky. I mean, it is all your blood and guts being dropped in a bowl. 2. Wiping takes longer. 3. You feel like the most unsexy person on the planet. I feel grotesque just talking about it. 4. Up until this moment, it’s been a dirty little secret women have to keep from men.

The body is a beautiful thing—the way it functions like clockwork remains miraculous. And though I wish to remain anonymous forever because of this post, I’m grateful for the way even my messy poop reminds me of my life giving powers. Because I’m a lady, blessed with Period Poo, I know I can have a baby some day. Amen and hallelujah to that.

  1. HeShatSheShat
    June 28, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    Bloating is a concept that we men may never fully understand, but is part of the daily vernacular of ye women. I am not even sure what the term means or feels like, only what I can infer from how you ladies speak of it. I only know it wreaks havoc on you physically and emotionally. I didn’t know that poo and gloating and the flow were so linked though.

  2. HuPhlungPu
    June 28, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    they are all interconnected, my friend. like the moon and the ocean tides. just like that.

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