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Oprah Winfrey = Epic Fail?

I told you I would talk about taboo subjects and criticizing Oprah just might endanger my life.  How dare I even conceive of soiling her good name with my evil blog posting you are thinking – no?  What does Oprah, queen of the daytime TV, have to do with pooping you ask?  The answer: nothing & everything.  Most people in this world think Oprah has been a huge success, one of the most popular and influential people in the media, nay the world!  I concede that she controls a media empire, has the President of the United States by the short hairs, and influences drones of women the world over with her charm, smarts, and pure genius.  Yet here I sit, the humble Papa Squat, demanding that Oprah accept my open invitation to lunch so that I may steer her into the light and correct a most serious injustice. ***(I posted my letter to Oprah in the comments for your reading pleasure)

With her radio and TV network, magazine, resources, contacts, power and influence, nobody sits on a more powerful platform.  Yet how did she use this amazing resource?  Answer: By squandering it away helping people in financial, physical, spiritual, and emotional distress.  By talking about feelings, teaching us how to diet and exercise, how to decorate our homes, and by replacing the studio furniture after it was soiled by Tom Cruise’s dirty sneakers. I want to know the craziest place Tom Cruise ever took a dump, not how much he loves his latest girlfriend/wife.  In 25 years all she could manage was a paltry 60 minutes dedicated to poop.  If Oprah was to cover relevant topics that affect our daily lives with relevant proportion then she should have discussed poop on every show, not just this one. She didn’t even scratch the surface.

Besides, she didn’t even show us the stack of Benjamin’s that she must use as toilet paper.  While I appreciate her single effort I was completely underwhelmed.  Had she made it a priority, Oprah could have erased years of stigma, doubt, and taboo about our bodies most amazing skills and the cultural implications surrounding these events.  1 show?  1 show out of 4,561 is approximately 0.022% dedicated to something we do every day.  That is like throwing a single dollar bill at the nation’s debt problems when it really needs 15 trillion.  Oprah = Epic Fail!  She has given us NOTHING yet could have given us EVERYTHING.  Oprah must accept my lunch invitation and works to repair this sin of omission.  Until then, this travesty will remain a gigantic brown skid mark on the otherwise pristine and brilliantly white underpants that is her career and legacy.

  1. ThePapaSquat
    June 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Dear Oprah,

    I hereby announce an open invitation for you to lunch with me at the time and location of your choosing to discuss how to improve your legacy. And don’t worry, now that you are unemployed after 25 years I will cover the bill.

    Warmest Regards,
    Papa Squat

    PS: Please use your wiley influence to ensure Stedman attends our lunch appointment. I am fascinated at how he has been able to stay out of the media spotlight and yet maintain a relationship with you, the most powerful woman in the world. This fascinates me to no end and I must learn his powers and tricks. Some people claim it is because one or both of you is gay and the whole relationship is a cover-up but I know better. Stedman is a pimp (philosophical sense of the word) and I must sit at his feet and drink of his stealth, knowledge, and prowess.

  2. July 1, 2011 at 3:25 am

    Papsquat, I couldn’t agree with you more. How could Oprah dedicate so much time to things that have such little impact on our daily lives when poo has everything to do with our lives. But at least she is 1000x better than Ellen, who has ignored the issue completely. I mean, she’s a comedian. Poo should be at the forefront of her program.

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