Home > Education, Personal Stories, Topic Discussion, Uncategorized > Public Pooping – A Response

Public Pooping – A Response

After reading HuPhlung Pu’s intimate and personal story about shat blasting the grass in her backyard, I was consumed with a desire to share a story from my own dark past of public pooping.  Like many young boy, I had a paper route.  Each morning I would arise at 4:20 am (no drug reference intended – that is the time I needed to get up to get it done), roll each paper with love, and then head out on my bike to deliver 134 newspapers.  I did this job with pride and often received hefty tips for the care that I showed each home.

But there was one house near the end of my route that I dreaded.  This home always left a small crack under the garage door.  The crack was just wide enough that their border collie could, on occasion, stick its muzzle out and bark, scaring the begeezies out of me and destroying the silent majesty of my morning.  I was always afraid that one day they would leave the crack too wide and the dog would get out.  After years of what seemed like unnecessary worrying, my worst nightmares came true.  As I stepped up the driveway towards the home the dog came bolting out from under the door and chased me across the yard until its jaws clamped down on my hamstring!  Fortunately the dog turned out to be slightly cautious, so it instantly retreated and ran back under the garage when I screamed.

Clearly I was pissed.  That day I went over to the house approached its owner in order to let him know what had happened.  Instead of a swift apology I received swift allegations of provoking his precious b*tch and trampling in his yard.  I left livid and hungry for revenge.  The next morning as I delivered the paper I was struck with a genius idea.  I laid his perfect paper down on the doormat, dropped my drawers, and squoze out the longest log I could possibly muster with my 16-year-old butt.  It was perfect – it curled and stacked almost like a frozen yogurt treat from hell.

That day he cancelled his subscription to the paper.  Bonus!  So in response to HuPhlung’s story, I believe there really IS a time and a place for public pooping.  That place is revenge.

  1. July 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Awesome story, amazing video. You are doing God’s work, my friend.

    • July 20, 2011 at 1:20 am

      Matt – thanks for the words of encouragement. I can only claim to do what is in my heart – which apparently my heart is full of lots of fecal matter.

  2. July 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    I should probably be upfront and come out with the fact that I may or may not have multiple public pooping stories. You never know when i am going to release another one on this blog. HeShatSheShat true confessionals!

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