Home > Poo in the News, Topic Discussion > Is There An Appropriate Place to Poo?

Is There An Appropriate Place to Poo?

You would think that, unlike farting, the answer to the question of if there is an appropriate place to poo would be really simple.  Duh, the bathroom – right?  As long as it is in a toilet, poo is fair game.  Or is it?  Apparently it is much more complex than that.  There are people out there, and I will introduce you to one, Brett, that claims that pooing in a public restroom is WRONG.  “What???” you may be asking yourselves.  Well, here is the basis of Brett’s argument:

In the next few paragraphs I am going to attempt to explain to you with unfailing logic to why our current system of public restrooms should be radically changed.  Specifically, I will address why pooping in public restrooms, as they are currently designed, should not be tolerated.  I know you think I am crazy, but please continue reading with as open of a mind as possible.  The problem is everyone poops.  I get that, but not everyone poops in the same way.  For example, most people fall into one of the following categories:

  • Morning #2 – You take care of business first thing in the morning.  As a matter fact, your day does not even begin until this happens.
  • The Three SHs – Basically it is a package deal with a shave, shower and sh#!.
  • Java People – nothing gets moving until after your morning coffee
  • Afternoon Sitters – You are weird people, because unless you work at home, you are pooping at work on a regular basis.  Stop it!  Change your schedule.  This is simply unnecessary.
  • Nighttime Sitters – You are a more uncommon breed than Afternoon Sitters as you like to go before bed time.  Not as weird as Afternoon Sitters, but still a little out there.  Especially if your bathroom is near your bedroom, which means you are going to sleep in that climate, which is just gross.
  • Big Meal Pressure (BMP) – I would also call you the ‘baby’ poopers, because you seem to need to go as a result of eating, especially big meals.  The problem with this group is you never ever want to invite them over your house for a meal.  If you do, have the candles lit and burning.
  • Poop As Needed (PAN) – You are the rarest of breeds.  I could also call you random poopers, but the bottom line is, unlike most people, your number 2 is NOT on a schedule.  And quite frankly, it is because of your kind that public bathrooms exist.

Other than emergencies, most people are on a schedule; which  means why use a public bathroom when you shouldn’t have to?  Think about it.  Here is what needs to happen.  Unless you are younger than 10 years old, you  do not need a public potty.  If potties  are to exist, they need to be private.   If a bathroom must have multiple stalls, they need to be isolated from  each other by both sound and ventilation.   Toilets need to be cleaned by staff every 30 minutes.  Each stall will have a button that will turn  a signal light on giving everyone in the bathroom a warning that someone is about  to exit the stall.  This light will  remain lit for 30 seconds before door is opened.  Talking and eye contact in bathrooms is prohibited.

I think we here at He Shat, She Shat would collectively say that this person is a moron.  Several holes:

1)  What if your “schedule” means you poo at 10am every day (like me, for example)?  I work, like most people, so therefore I poo at work.  I know you want me to change my schedule…but that is like telling me to change when my body wants to fart.  Digestion is involuntary.  THAT is why toilet’s exist.

2)  “The problem is everyone poops” – that is not a problem but a blessing.  It is what ties us together.  Why do you hate your fellow-men and women?  We won’t drink of your haterade here at He Shat, She Shat.  This is one of the highest forms of prejudice – prejudice against every person on earth.

3)  Your changes to the bathroom are crap.  We should embrace each other and form greater bonds in the bathroom.  If you feel so offended by the pooers of the world, then why don’t you live by your own law and only go to the bathroom at home.

Good luck to you in your cold world alone.

He Shat, She Shat

  1. August 11, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    First of all, I appreciate you having my blog guest on your blog. It was truly an honor.

    I assure you, that I am not a moron. Like the writers of your blog, I am college-educated, as a matter of fact, I have a PhD. Nonetheless, if verbal stones you must throw, I will take them and simply flush them down my personal toilet. Sticks and stones and all.

    You are mistaken about scheduling your digestion. For example, my guess is you do control when you fart. Unless you let ’em rip during a business meeting or in front of customers, or wherever you work. You could also reschedule your poop time. If you waited till 5 or 6 in the evening, which you know you could if you had to, your body would eventually adjust to the new time. Your body is amazingly adaptable.

    Finally, I do only go at home, unless the situation makes that impossible, as it did this summer. And although I do not embrace everyone’s poo, I do embrace everyone. I even embrace your unique blog. Total agreement is not a requirement for bonding. May your bowl be clean and your aim true. – http://www.sincejuniorhigh.com

    • August 12, 2011 at 6:49 pm

      I find you valient in your commitment to live by your standards. Our standards greatly disagree, but I appreciate a person with commitment. As I just posted on your blog, I do fart in meetings and in front of customers/coworkers/family/etc. Just open up wider to let it out silent and completely disguised. To delay a bowel movement is to give a direct middle finger to your own body.

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