Home > Bathroom > How Do You Respond to Poo Finger?

How Do You Respond to Poo Finger?

Come on, it has happened to everyone!  There is no doubt that you have experienced the stink finger.  We have all had that joy of cleaning up the red lion only to break through our two-ply barrier and soil ourselves.  However, I refrain from discussing the particulars of this event and instead will focus on the aftermath of this special occasion.

The way I see it there are four major categories of response:

The Freak-Out:  You go insane that your finger is soiled.  You immediately get up from toilet with pants around ankles and waddle to the sink for a good cleansing.  You don’t care that your naked backside is hanging out and possible fecal matter is dropping onto your clothing and tile floor.  You must have the finger clean and nothing else matters!

Mr. Logical:  You realize that it happens.  You still have business to attend to and recognize that you now have a second cleaning job but you may as well take care of job one first.  Anything else would be inefficient and illogical.  X then Y then Z.  You are cool and calm in the face of the stink finger because you have a plan and you will execute it well.

Ambidextrous:  You are talented with both hands.  If one can’t finish the job you simply utilize the other.

The Non-Believer:  You felt the finger frosting AND you can see it there upon your digit.  But you need a third sense to triangulate your thinking.  You subsequently pass finger near nose in an effort to confirm that your finger is poo-laden.  Ahhhh, the smell of confirmation.  Now that you have verified your findings you can move forward and take care of business but not before catching a whiff every time.  If it happens again on the next wipe do you smell again?  Absolutely!  Each wipe is mutually exclusive and requires its own verification.

So how do you handle the foul finger?

  1. August 12, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Papa Squat. I have to admit – I am the non-believer. I don’t know what it is that makes me take the sniff. I even sometimes think in advance, “Man, don’t sniff it just wash it.” But in the end I have to double check, even though I wash my hads after every bathroom visit. Diagnosis? I’m sick. Or maybe I’m normal?

  2. August 12, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Ok, that title was impossible to pass up. I wasn’t, however, expecting hot coffee to come shooting out of my nose. Very funny!

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