Ghost Poo vs. Phantom Poo
I am always asked the difference between a ghost poo and phantom poo. This is one of life’s critical pieces of knowledge that separates the have’s and the have-not’s. Allow I, Papa Squat, the opportunity to shat knowledge upon you.
The distinction is quite clear. A ghost haunts you, tries to scare you, but most importantly leaves a trace, evidence of its evil deeds. The phantom is completely mysterious, is shrouded in secrecy, makes you wonder if what you witnessed even happened in the first place. Also, ghosts are a dime a dozen but the phantom may be a once in a lifetime experience.
Let me explain.
A ghost poo is a log that hits water and slides into the porcelain downspout – hidden from view. Its hiding from you but left plenty of evidence to haunt you, a streak at the bottom of the toilet, a stain upon your toilet paper, the smell in the air. Everything to let you know the ghost has passed and he will return. While rare, everyone has had this experience. I believe the universal quote is “Wait, where did it go?”
But the phantom poo is something totally different. You think something happened but you can’t prove it It leaves you with an eerie feeling. You think you heard a splash in the toilet but you are not sure. The bowl is pristine, your toilet paper slightly shredded from your dry anus. Go ahead and light a match my friend, but there is no methane to burn. In fact, the air smells better than before you entered. You are confident that your bowels have emptied yet there is NOTHING to prove your deed. This is the phantom!
Which begs the question – If a man drops a log in the bathroom but there isn’t any evidence…did it happen?