Home > Farting, Marriage > Would You Rather? The Fart Edition

Would You Rather? The Fart Edition

Have you ever played that game “Would You Rather”? You know, you ask someone a “would you rather” question, like “Would you rather always smell like fish or always have bad breath?” The question is then answered and a furious and emotional debate about the correct answer ensues. (For those curious, the correct answer to the aforementioned questioned is “bad breath”. If you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong.)

I need you to answer this one for me. Would you rather have an average amount of gas that smells pretty nasty most of the time, or have copious amounts of gas that only carry a stench about 10% of the time? Wait. Before you answer, consider this. Along with the nasty gas comes the inability to hold it in. Whereas, with the over-gaseous bowels, you would be blessed with a strong sphincter, able to withstand hours of bowel-shaking, monster truck force from within.

Again, the answer is quite clear. Give me the gaseous giant any day. I speak from experience. My wife would beg to differ. She also speaks from experience. You see, she has the uncanny inability to keep her farts sealed up tight in order to release them in an appropriate location. It doesn’t matter if we’re in church, in an elevator or in a small gathering with a group of friends, she just opens up and drops those stank nast bombs when they come knocking on the door. Granted, the frequency of said occurrence is low, but the risk is oh so high. Unless of course your husband is right next to you during the crop dusting, then he’s the one who’s naturally blamed for the unsavory aroma.

On the other hand, I can chose the most appropriate place to drop my LBH’s (Loud But Harmless). Whether that be during a quick trip to the john or in my little brother’s face. The point is, it’s much more advantageous to have complete control over such a powerful tool even if it does mean a few more gas cramps than the average bowel. Help me out here.

Please tell me I’m not the crazy one in this relationship.

  1. August 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Doogan – you are 100% correct. Who would rather have less control of farting and stink more often? I dare say that the control of the sound and surprise element is what makes farting awesome and hilarious…rarely the smell (unless you are in a stink war). Consider yourself blessed in comparison to your more stinky counterpart.

  2. August 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    I would totally go for the stink bombs. I do it anyways so my answer was cake. 🙂

    • August 25, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      But wouldn’t you rather not stink? In your ideal world, you’d still rather stink when you fart and, while only occasionally, just have to let it out wherever you are? This must be a female/male scenario.

  3. dooganhowsermd
    August 25, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    Sara, you and my wife are sick, sick people. I don’t think it’s a female/male scenario. I think it’s a sane/insane scenario.

    • August 26, 2011 at 1:41 pm

      But don’t you think there is a male/female thing going on here? I mean, when was the last time you heard a man say, “I can’t hold in a fart…it makes my tummy hurt.”

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