Home > Bathroom > The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of Butt Urine

The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of Butt Urine

Is there anything more Jekyll and Hyde than the classic butt urine, hereafter referred to as BU? On the one hand it can be a very pleasant, relaxing experience. On the other it can be your own personal hell. I dare say nothing can be more polar opposite than BU. Obama versus Bachmann? Best friends compared to BU. Ohio State versus Michigan? Might as well be gay lovers compared to BU. Skinny effeminate male who wears his sisters jeans versus World War II Veteran? Well I think you get the point…

The facts: Heavenly BU

You didn’t even realize that you had to defecate until a pleasant little gurgle told you to hit the head. You sit down and without even realizing what has happened you begin to urinate into the toilet. Wait?! That’s not urine you think to yourself, it’s coming out of my anus. A smile crosses your face as you realize you are more relaxed than you have been in some time. The usual muscle contractions and anus squeezing are totally flaccid. As you clean yourself, only the lightest of yellow streaks offends your toilet paper. A single wipe does the trick. Are you concerned about a clogged toilet? Liquid poo and a single wipe…I don’t think so!

The facts: Fire and Brimstone BU

Your stomach has been gurgling with wrenching pain for at least an hour. You were in a meeting, your car, otherwise occupied and things have been allowed to build. The second your cheeks hit porcelain an explosion of liquid poo sprays your hole, balls, and cheeks. Despite sealing the toilet seat opening with your backside, the explosion is so powerful that it cannot be contained and blows out the tiny crack between the toilet seat and the toilet rim, painting a thin line of brown across the back of your leg. The sensation of poo droplets sliding down your leg and dripping off the crown of your butt cheeks into the toilet water brings a cringe and shudder. You false start wipe and an aftershock gas bubble further blows shat everywhere. After a roll of toilet paper and a clogged toilet you are finally done with the process. You took so long to clean up that poo odor literally has soaked into your skin, providing you and your acquaintances with a subtle aromatic reminder of the very hell you have just experienced!

Food for thought: What if Robert Louis Stevenson actually wrote Dr. Jekyll and only added the Mr. Hyde part after a raging case of BU? Is it possible that BU inspired this literary masterpiece? What is that sound you just heard? Your mind officially blowing with knowledge you can only get from HeShatSheShat!

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