Home > Business, Medicine > America is Ready for the Portable, Disposable Catheter

America is Ready for the Portable, Disposable Catheter

Papa Squat’s feminine product that allows women to stand and urinate could not have been more timely for the topic of my post today. The topic I would like to discuss is bathroom convenience. While going to the bathroom is an extremely pleasurable and beautiful experience, it is not always the most convenient thing in the world. A great comparison is sexual intimacy. A wonderful thing – but not always possible when you want it. Sometimes you are in public, or at your in-law’s house, or in a cramped hotel with relatives for days on end. So what do you do? You wait until you can sneak in a quickie or get to somewhere more private to get it on. But this is not the case with the need to releave yourself. You can hold in the urine or fecal sweetness for so long before you will suffer serious physical consequences.

Let’s talk about urination specifically. On a recent plane ride I decided it was time for the creation of a portable, disposable, sanitary catheter. I was sitting in 23A – meaning I was stuck next to the window. I don’t like to sit next to the window for several reasons. First – I have really long legs and the aisle is much more comfortable. Second – If we get into a wreck I do not want to watch the ground approach. Third – I love to drink soda while traveling and I often have to piss up to two times per each leg of my flight. While sitting in 23A I was stuck next to a large, sleeping woman. I did not want to provoke her wrath, but man I had to piss soooo bad. About 44oz of Mountain Dew was resting like a reservoir against a dam made of paper, ready to burst forward and drown the civilians of Mypantsville. What I would have paid to have a catheter to capture my urine and collect it in a bag attached to my leg? I’d pay at least $10 per flight. Who needs in-flight internet or cable? I’d rather have a plastic bag that collects my pee so I can just sit there and enjoy my book or iPad games.

Seriously though – there are so many places that a disposable catheter would be useful. Movie theaters – I never get a soda at the movies because I can’t sit there for more than two hours after a soda without getting up to pee. The end of every movie is ruined by the sting in dong for want of pee. Airplanes, concerts, vacation excursion, church, school, road trips (especially for my wife), long dinners or work engagements, times when you can’t take a break from work. The uses are endless! I recognize that no one is going to shove a tube up their own snake or vagina – nor would the FDA approve something self-administered like that. But there could be a gentle adhesive that straps around the dong, then a small tube that empties into a bag with a velcro strap that goes around your leg. Genius, right? Then, when its full or you are no longer in need, just go into a public bathroom and remove it. We could probably put a disposable package on it that you wrap around it and then just throw away (or even better, recycle!).

I’m telling you, He Shat She Shat Enterprises needs to develop this product and sell it in the super market, or at least those Hudson Books stores in the airport. I’m on my way to being a millionaire!

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