Home > Urination > Public Urination – The Whole Story

Public Urination – The Whole Story

Okay, I think the coast is finally clear and I can tell you my story.  The day had started innocently enough.  I decided to wake up and catch the early train to work so that I could squeeze in a nice run.  My company has one of this massive, manicured properties that are rarely touched by human feet…except for the amazing running track that surrounds it.  It is gorgeous – pristine soft black top – and follows over a mile of trail around ponds, trees, midwestern foliage and grass.  This particular morning the sun was just rising over horizon and the greens were deep and dark against the rich blue sky and red orb as it climbed slowly into view.

At that moment I had to piss, bad.

I don’t know why my body loves to do this, but right about 1 mile into a run it decides it needs to relieve itself of any pending urine.  Even if I pee before leaving, I’ll still often get tormented by my bladder.  It’s a mean trick.  I was right in the middle of my 4 mile run, just at the most beautiful part.  The last thing I wanted to do was run back inside, go to the bathroom, and miss nature’s show and slow down my heartbeat.

So I did what any sensible person would do.  I stopped, looked around, got as far out of view of my office building’s windows, dropped my drawers and urinated all over a nearby tree.  As I returned my genitalia to its home, I turned and noticed a groundskeeper only 30 feet away, staring at me with judging eyes.  He shook his head in disgust, and turned away.

In seconds I was back on my run – but I couldn’t help but wonder if what I had done was wrong.  Why had i received such judgemental looks by this man?  Couldn’t he identify with my plight?  What is so wrong with public urination?  My pee would not be touched by other humans.  I didn’t pee on a bench or in an enclosed space.  I didn’t even pee on the track!  I urinated on a seldom touched tree in an area where humans rarely go.

I just think there are times when urinating outside of a bathroom make sense.  Here are a few:

– Camping

– Running around my office or on a long jog

– Times Square on New Years Eve.  You can’t make it that long without urinating in a bottle.

– In any body of water

– Long drives across the country and on the side of the freeway

I’m sure you can think of many others – unless you are one of those judgemental types.  If so, chill out dude.  Judge not lest thee be judged or something like that.

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