WHY WARM PUBLIC TOILET SEATS ARE LIKE ANTIQUES
I use to think antiques were boring and lame. Just a bunch of worthless crap. That is until I started watching Pawn Stars. And American Pickers. And Antique Roadshow. I now find them fascinating. And the more I learn about them the more intriguing they become. I recently finished “Killer Stuff and Tons of Money”, a book that follows antique collectors through flea markets and auction houses. Since finishing the book, I find myself looking at the world differently, trying to discover the origin of things I would normally take for granted.
Which brings me to the point in my post where I talk about pooping. A couple days ago I was hanging out in a bookstore and had the urge to drop a load. I normally prefer to duke in the comfort of my own bathroom, but when your bowels move 3-4 times a day, you don’t usually have that luxury. As I sat down in the stall, following the mandatory pre-dump seat wipe down, my cheeks were warmed by the recently used porcelain seat. Normally I would have been a little disgusted by the warmth and then moved on to the business at hand. But this time was different. As I sat there I pondered the origin of my warm toilet seat. I reflected on he who had gone before me. Did he drop a long firm log or was he plagued with a bad case of butt urine? I deduced that he must have been there for some time in order to leave the seat as warm as it was. Maybe he had the same challenge as I have, taking upwards of 15 minutes to achieve empty bowel satisfaction. I soon felt a strange bond to this mystery pooper and desired to learn more about him. Maybe by understanding him I could understand myself better.
Or maybe he was just a fat dude with a hairy, pimply butt and herpes. I stopped my pondering and hurriedly wiped and exited the stall.