Home > Humor, Parenting > Adventures in Baby Sh*tting!

Adventures in Baby Sh*tting!

Having a baby is no joke, no joke at all. It literally is the ultimate game changer in the course of human life. College, employment, puberty…nothing will alter the course of your life and daily activities like having children. This is not said in any negative tone, rather it is merely factual. One of the greatest examples of how it changes you is the level of which you are willing to smell, clean, and touch fecal matter.

It is no secret that babies poop, and poop a lot. They poop with such frequency and vigor that it truly can blow your mind. It always amazes me the quantity of crap something so small can produce with such minimal intake. But they DO! Babies are miracle workers! But with that miracle comes one of the greatest game changers of them all…the Blow Out (Brown Out).

Scenario A: we were visiting a high-end fashion store – just for kicks and giggles. No real intent to purchase, just a natural curiosity as we trolled the mall one afternoon. As my wife examined some jewelry that was way out of our price range, my parenting bell went off in my head. Something wasn’t right. I looked down to examine our son, only to observe SH*T dripping down my arm, leg and all over the designer carpet in the store. Not only that, but I found clumps of it in different areas of the store as apparently the act had occurred near the bracelets.

Like any white trash parent, we charged towards the bathroom and I stripped down to nudity and washed my and my sons clothes in the sink. My wife and I stayed in there as long as we could…trying to determine how to save any dignity we had left. We decided to screw it and run for it. We ran out the bathroom, son in diaper and me soaking wet and screamed our apologies as we charged out the store. We had just enough time to observe the manager on hands and knees scrubbing crap out of the fibers beneath him.

So if you are going to have kids, I recommend you prepare to get your hands dirty!

  1. October 21, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    With 2 tiny poo-machines of my own I fully agree with you!

    • October 22, 2011 at 7:39 pm

      My slightly, I can’t imagine double the poo. It sounds like a crap show. Doogan Howser MD and Papa Squat have 3…you all inspire me.

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