Home > Bathroom, Humor > I Use the Handicap Stall – and I’m Proud of It!

I Use the Handicap Stall – and I’m Proud of It!

As I mentioned in my previous post I am a huge fan of the handicap stalls in the men’s room.  If you know anything about me you will know that I need a little more room that the average male.  The “normal” stalls in the bathroom are tiny and putrid relative to the luxurious handicap version.  And believe me I am a discerning and educated user of public restrooms.  Having traveled 7 figure miles for work I am a connoisseur of any public, semi-public, hotel, restaurant, airline, and any other kind of bathroom you can think of.  I have seen it all when it comes to bathrooms so trust me when I say that being a handicrapper is the way to go.

My reasons are simple:

1. Often I am toting a backpack, briefcase, luggage, child, or some other item of importance.  Is there sufficient room in a normal stall for all of my crap?  No.  Do I like to leave my crap on the floor outside of the stall?  No.  Do I need to keep asking obvious questions?  No.

2.  In addition to room for your stuff there is actually room for you.  Have you ever had to step to the side of the toilet just to enter/leave the stall?  Exactly my point!  We should be able to stand in front of the throne and have plenty of room for the door to open and close.  True story – one time the stall was so tight I literally stabbed my thigh with the sharp corner of the TP dispenser (one of those metal kinds) as I adjusted to wipe.  No TP dispenser makes me bleed my own blood!

3. Throne height.  Let’s be honest I like to sit high with my feet firmly planted on the floor.  I have found the handicap throne to be perfectly suited to my tastes.  Do I want to take a crap with my knees in my face?  No.  Thrones in the handicap stall are a good 6 to 9 inches taller thus giving a more comfortable seat for the wild ride about to embark upon it.

4.  People are afraid of the handicap stall thus making it more available to me and my fellow handicrappers.  What is the world afraid of?  I have no idea but what I do know is that I love the handicap stall and the handicap stall loves me back.  Short lines only deepens my love!

5.  It keeps me interested.  I rarely take a leak at the urinal anymore if the handicap stall is available.  Why?  Because I like to go for distance.  What would my fellow bathroom goers think if I’m launching urine 5 feet from the urinal?  FREAK!  So I become relegated to standing 1 foot away and generating a significant urine dew upon my forearm hair and shoes?  Absolutely not.  Only the handicap stall gives you the room and privacy you need to make this happen.  Normal stalls just won’t cut it.  Your distance is way too limited by the stall door.

I could go on but I think you are getting the point.  If you haven’t tried it out, give it a whirl.  If you’re an afficianado – I salute you!

  1. November 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Papa Squat – you a pioneer and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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