Home > Humor, Parenting > When Did I Stop Being Cute?

When Did I Stop Being Cute?

Why is this baby smiling?

It is a well-known fact that the baby’s first smile is not triggered by the warm glow of a loving parent’s face, nor the areola target that generates such sweet milky sustenance for its survival.  The fact is this.  The baby smiles because of the methane gas rolling through its belly and out its anus.  This is a fact that cannot be disputed.

Is this not the ultimate proof that society is screwed up?  If a baby drops a bomb it gets snuggles and cuddles yet I would be shunned.  I tried this once on a date or two back in the day and I can definitely say I did not get any action off the ladies due to my farting prowess.  This is wrong and everyone knows it.  Instead of choosing our mates based on attractiveness, sense of humor, potential money-making prowess, or any other intangible quality you deem relevant shouldn’t it be based on how well one can clear a room?

Just saying…

  1. December 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    I was fortunate enough that when I did suprise my wife with the amazing power and stench of my gas that she was able to equal me, thus we live in harmony.

  2. ThePapaSquat
    December 9, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Yin and Yang

  3. December 16, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    You should try farting the national anthem, this got me some action. Although it was with ‘simple Heather’ who hangs around my apartments dustbins.

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