Home > Humor, Personal Stories > My Flip Phone Can Beat the Crap Out of Your iPhone

My Flip Phone Can Beat the Crap Out of Your iPhone

Consider this personal story another gift to you for Christmas:
People give me a lot of crap because I have one of those old-school flip phones.  I recognize that I am living in the mid-2000s and I should have a man phone like an iPhone or Droid or something.  Shouldn’t I be asking for one for Christmas?  The answer is an emphatic no.  You see, my flip phone could beat up your iPhone any day of the freakin’ week.  Check this example.
A few months ago I had just come back from a fun weekend vacation with the family.  We had an amazing time soaking up the sun and had enjoyed many delicious foods.  One of those foods had done a number on my stomach, so I was feeling a little bit loose that morning.  You know the feeling.  Everything is a bit squishy inside you and when you approach a fart there is a slight burn and solid feeling that tickles your anus.  I was feeling trepidations about farting, but I was also tired from traveling and just didn’t feel like getting out of bed just to safely sit on the toilet and fart.  So I did a small test.  I slowly leaned to the right and opened up my anus just enough to let a slight bubble out. 
Phew.  All clear.  No diarrhea.  With that I cocked the hammer and braced myself for a bed rattling fart.  Upon doing so, I instantly felt the spray up my back and down my crack.  I had literally squeezed out a cup full of crap.  I immediately flipped on my stomach and checked the bed.  Fortunately there had been no soak through yet and the sheets were safe.  I hurried and stripped down and soaked my shorts and underwear in the tub and then threw it in the washing machine.
Later, while drying the pants, I noticed that the dryer was making a crazy rattling noise.  So I stopped it and took out my shorts, only to discover that I had my flip phone in there.  I hurried and took the battery out and put everything in a bowl of rice, but I figured there was no hope.  The phone had gone through a whole wash and dry cycle and water was everywhere in the screen.
Well, I was wrong.  The phone worked and for quite a while after that.  If an iPhone even gets near moisture it breaks.  And that is why I’ll stick to my flip phone. 
  1. December 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Aside from the disturbing visual of you “opening your anus” that was kinda funny. I however will stick with my wussy iPhone and take my chances.

    • December 16, 2011 at 10:36 pm

      Rob, you run a great risk…but I can’t help but proclaim a bit of jealousy.

  2. December 16, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I miss my old flip phone. I have considered going back many times.

    • December 16, 2011 at 10:37 pm

      Its never too late to return with honor Geek.

  3. Kana Tyler
    December 16, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Haha, my flip-phone survived a similar dunking, but in the toilet… After which my friends called it “the Poo Phone”… 😉

    • December 16, 2011 at 10:29 pm

      My wife has had a few poo phones then!

  4. December 16, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Lucky you! 🙂
    Do´nt test that any more, please.
    It could go wrong next time 😦

    • December 16, 2011 at 10:33 pm

      As much as I trust my phones, I promise not to purposely test their strength any more 🙂

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