Home > Humor, Science > The Male Equivalent of Childbirth

The Male Equivalent of Childbirth

Recently I experienced one of the more dreaded poo experiences of life and thought I would share…but first an anatomy lesson.

Now ladies, I don’t want to shatter your world here but I feel it is time that someone comes out and just tells it like it is.  We are going to be discussing backsides, primarily male backsides.  Now I know you have seen the movies with the latest hot actor and his sculpted backside being put on full display.  Note:  just as “real” women are not like the stick thin models and actresses flaunted about on TV, nor are most of the average dudes you know like your naked movie actor guy.

Let me ask you a question?  Have any of those man butt’s that you have seen in the movies ever had hair on them?  I didn’t think so but I am here to tell you a lot of dudes have hairy butts and certainly a hairy anus.  This is an indisputable fact!  Recently I witnessed the truth of this fact being unleashed upon an unsuspecting young female and it was as if she had just witnessed a violent crime.  Speechless, heart rate rising, palms sweaty, the world she knew and loved crashing around her.

So let this be a lesson to all ladies – if you cannot handle this truth I apologize but it is time that you knew.  So why the anatomy lesson?

The point of this is that sometimes an anal hair and a poo log combine in just the right way…usually it requires the poo to be extremely slow-moving but soft enough initially to allow hair integration.  Once the hair is integrated the poo hardens with a vice-grip like grasp on your anal hair.  As the peristaltic motion slowly urges the poo out of your colon you feel a sharp prick, like a pin being applied to the innermost flesh of your own buttocks.  This pinprick stays for seconds to minutes as the anal hair is stretched to its maximum length, its roots pulling your sensitive inner anus skin along with it until….POP…..

You may have child-birth but we have constipated anal hair rippage and let me tell you it’s a b*tch!

  1. January 19, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    I love your sh*tty humor and matter-of-fact musings… It makes me laugh at loud at the pitiful things a man with a hairy anus endures. Thanks for enlightenment.

  2. January 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    While pitiful, it is our burden to bare. Thanks for the HSSS love! Share the love with others!

  3. Bob Smith
    March 27, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    That is the stupidist thing I have ever read!

    • March 27, 2012 at 9:46 pm

      Stupid Bob Smith? Maybe. Real? Definitely.

  4. Sarah Jessica Parker
    March 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    I am a woman and I have the very same problem.

    • March 27, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      Sarah Jessica Parker suffers from anal hair rippage! I have to get this to People Magazine – or at least Star or the National Enquirer.

  5. Sarah Jessica Parker
    March 27, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    Isn’t it enough I am the ugliest woman on earth? and in addition to this I have to suffer anal hair rippage! Woe is me. Please don”t let the tabloids know about this. You try walking around with a mule’s face, it’s not fun.

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