Home > Advice, Humor > Please Adopt the Mercy Flush

Please Adopt the Mercy Flush

You remember wrestling with your older brother or muscularly blessed friend and getting pinned in some sort of unruly headlock?  I do..  Weighing in at a whopping 125 pounds when I graduated from high school (6′ 2″ tall), I was used to getting worked in any physical contact activity.  There would come a point when the discomfort would turn to pain and eventually I would have to cry uncle, moments before crying or passing out.  Despite any desire to avoid any loss of boyish pride, the pain was too much and you had to call for mercy.
Well…I wish there was an equivalent in the men’s bathroom.  Just the other day I experienced something that has been all too common in my public bathroom experiences.  I had just sat down for a morning dig when another coworker walked in, and annoyingly, took the stall right next to mine, despite there being a free stall two down.  Fine, whatever.  But then he began what can only be compared to the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Harry falls victim to Lloyd’s shot of Ex-lax.  I could literally hear the splattering of fecal matter as it caked the entire bowl with shards of diarrhea.  This continued for several minutes, followed by a stench of death that covered the entire bathroom with a black (green?) shroud.  I plugged my nose and breathed through my mouth, but then I started to taste it so that had to stop.
The smell wouldn’t die.  I still had one more log to push out, but I had to give up, wipe and leave.  If ONLY I could have cried uncle or mercy (anything!) so that the person would know to lean forward and let the automatic flush carry away the stench bomb.  Yes, I’m talking about the mercy flush! But alas, uncle doesn’t work in the bathroom – especially the work bathroom.  So I held my breath and ran for my life, returning an hour later to finish the job.

  1. Matthew
    February 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Did you attempt the emergecy Pull Up Shirt and Use As Filter breathing technique? Why/why not? Please elaborate.

    • February 15, 2012 at 10:10 pm

      Fare question MAtthew. I did not. I was at work, where I was wearing a slim-fit button up shirt. There is no option for pulling up that type of shirt over your mouth. The buttons just won’t allow the stretching. I could have put my arm over my mouth, but eventually I was going to need to wipe.

      Under the suffering and light-headedness of it all, my brain only knew to fight or flight. In this case, I flighted.

  2. Amber
    March 20, 2012 at 1:38 am

    tom arnold in True Lies, asking next stall for courtesy flush.

  3. Amber
    March 20, 2012 at 1:40 am

    oops, should be Tom Arnold in an Austin Powers movie., not True Lies.

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