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Dingleberry Pie

Dingleberry.  Just the mention of that word to a 13-year-old boy and it will send him into uncontrollable laughter and hysterics.  It is the mothership word of many insults, jokes and discussion amongst the young.  But they don’t really get it, do they?  They are 13 – they don’t have hair up in their crack…hair that grasps onto passing logs and rolls up little poo chunks that get entangled within the strands.  They don’t get concrete balls of dump 24 hours old that petrify themselves onto a single strand of hair.
 
They don’t get that dingleberries suck big time – and that dingleberries are a real issue.
 
We all get them – at least all us males do.  No matter how good you wipe or how dedicated you are to washing your crack in the shower, we all get them.  And once they have locked themselves onto your bubes (butt pubes), there is no easy way to get rid of them. You can stand in the shower and rub your hand on your butt hole for minutes at a time in warm water, and that little bastage will hang on for dear life.  If you are me, you will eventually give up and grab the sucker, yanking it out by force.  It hurts like a mother as the poignant pinch sends pain waves up to your brain – but it’s the only way to free yourself of their shame.
 
If someone has an easy way out of this terrible predicament, I am all ears.  Until then, I’ll keep plucking myself as part of a sadomasochistic ritual to just maintain proper butt hygiene.

  1. February 20, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Easy way out: get your ass-crack waxed. It’s a temporary pain, but then you only have to deal with it once in a while.

  2. February 20, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    I’m trying to envision myself explaining to my wife the need to spend money on a crack wax in order to avoid dingleberries. I’m also trying to envision her reaction.

  3. Matthew
    February 22, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    From a theological standpoint, isn’t this phenomenon just another consequence of Adam’s fall?

    • February 23, 2012 at 4:08 am

      YES IT IS! I can’t really think of a biblical quote for it, but I’m sure there is one. Something about toiling and weeds and dingleberries.

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