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Potty Training – My Greatest Parenting Fear

I’m terrified of potty training.  Of all the new and terrifying experiences that come with having a child, the one I am most terrified of is potty training.  I remember growing up and having a friend who was “that kid.”  Yes, Ritchie was five and still peed his pants.  I remember sleeping over at his house in a fort we had made.  Half way through the night it smelled so grotesquely of piss that I had to leave the fort and sleep on the cold floor in the opposite corner of the room to escape the smell.  How did that happen to him?  Was it poor potty training? 
 
I have a theory that you have a very small window when a child is ready to be potty trained.  If you start earlier than that window, then you spend the next 3-12 months cleaning up piss and fecal matter from sheets, floors and blankets.  Endless loads of laundry and disrupted sleep.  But if you let the window pass, you end up with a kid who decides that there is no need to be potty trained – that pissing himself will be an acceptable lifestyle for life.  Only the terrible tauntings and wrath of evil little 5-year-olds will change that kids mind.  Until then, its urine city. 
 
So how do you nail it right in the middle of that precious window?  Given my son’s background, I’m thinking that window might last about 42 seconds instead of a few weeks.  I am waiting for the day he says, “I need go potty” and I am going to jump on that crap immediately.  I have this feeling he is going to only ask once…and that’s it. 
 
Seriously, if you have any potty training tips, I’m an empty receptacle waiting for your knowledge donation.
  1. March 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    You provide a very useful and funny insight. No wonder I kept pissing my pants till I was seven.

    • March 12, 2012 at 8:14 pm

      But you got over it after 7. At least there was an end in sight…

      • March 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

        Yes, thank god for that. Else I’d still be wearing adult diapers around. Hehehe…

  2. March 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    This is going to sound horrible, but it really couldn’t have been easier for us. We simply bought the potty as soon as possible and just put it out in the middle of the house, somewhere she would notice it constantly (her room, the living room, whatever). When she asked about it, we introduced both the idea and how it would work. There’s plenty of kids’ books about it as well. Eventually she wanted to try it and the rest is history. She was trained, including being able to go at school, by age 2.5. Keeping the potty in the bathroom wouldn’t have worked, in my opinion, but we were willing to sacrifice our interior decor for a while. Good luck!

    • March 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

      Scott, you make it sound easy. And it probably is. I’m just an anxious mess when it comes to big baby moves. I was the guy that was like, “this kid is never going to stop breast feeding” and then one day, we just stopped and he was cool with it. Putting the potty out in view is a great idea. Thanks!

  3. March 13, 2012 at 7:24 am

    i’m terrified to potty train my son too! I guess we’ll just have to wait till he’s “ready”… though i’m not quite sure how i’m gonna know that either!

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