Home > Health, Humor > Beans Aren’t Always to Blame

Beans Aren’t Always to Blame

The good name of beans are always getting kicked around in the mud.  These poor little beads of deliciousness are accustomed to taking the blame for all that air that explodes from your anus.  They even have a product named after them – Beano – which helps you mitigate farts when eating food.  I can’t help but wonder why they have been singled out as the culprit for gas?  I mean, I won’t sit here and deny that beans make you fart.  They do.  But in the world of air creating food products, beans hardly make a dent in my gastronomical list of nightmares.  Having discussed this with many individuals, I have also learned that we all have unique bodies, and fart triggering food differs from person to person.

For example, I quickly learned that pizza gives me mad gas.  Not vegetable pizza or meat pizza – just pizza.  I don’t know if it is the sugary marinara sauce or the carbs from the crust, but any night I have a pizza party, I eventually start dropping gas bombs at every turn.  It’s an immediate reaction.  Sugar in general seems to be a trigger – especially if I consume a lot of soda in a day.  I have learned that the reason why I farted so much in high school and college was because I had about 66oz of Mountain Dew a day.  That converted to about 300+ farts per 24 hour period. 

But my biggest nemesis?  GRANOLA CEREALS.  Granola (or even worst, Cracklin’ Oat Bran) will literally convert my intestinal track into a weapon of mass destruction.  Not only is the air compact and explosive, but it is coupled with a smell that would even offend the walking dead.  It is heavy and lingers, and sticky so it attaches to your clothes.  It’s almost humid enough to frizz out your hair if you walk by.  You really don’t want to be around me for a day after I eat granola cereal.

What sets your butt off?

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