Home > Health, Humor > Watch Out – I’m Silent But Deadly

Watch Out – I’m Silent But Deadly

You know that pivotal moment when you need to fart in public and you try to judge whether it is going to be stank nasty or whether it will be completely scentless?  Its a scary thing.  You can think about the scent of your recent farts or even what you have eaten the past 24 hours, but you never really know what is going to happen.  It seems completely random, doesn’t it?  One moment you’ll be farting clean, odorless gas and then you let another one slide and it completely fouls up the entire office!
 
Why is there so much variation in the smell of one’s gas and why does the stink vary even in people who are eating practically the same meals every day?  Well, I took to googling it and stumbled upon an insightful article by Men’s Fitness.  Here is an excerpt that I think answers our question:

“Every person has a slightly different collection of bacteria and yeasts in their gut, and each organism contributes a slightly different nuance to the overall fragrance and volume of gas. Just as a fine wine keeps the palate stimulated with a variety of taste “notes,” each person’s unique batch of intestinal organisms lends shading to the stench of their farts. Your roommate (and my brother, apparently) simply have a collection of organisms that produce a horrid, malodorous, voluminous reek.”

So it is completely random!  If you are one of those people that has a collection of organismis that produce a horrid, malodorous, voluminous reek (like myself), then you are just screwed for life.  But my favorite thing about the article is that it offers a bit of hope at the end in a new product:

“In 1997, Chester Weimer was granted patent No. 5593398 entitled “Protective underwear with malodorous flatus filter.” The undergarment has a pocket on the rear that has a replaceable activated charcoal packet, which the subject farts through. The sound and odor are muffled by passage through the filter. I’d suggest buying a pair for your roommate and see if they work. If they do, you’ll be living in a more fart-free environment. If they don’t you will have a hilarious story to tell your friends. Either way it’s win-win for you.”

I have to get me some of these underwears

  1. April 19, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    LMAO! Charcoal inserts, those may have saved my marriage. Either that or my ex could have learned how to cook…

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