You know that pivotal moment when you need to fart in public and you try to judge whether it is going to be stank nasty or whether it will be completely scentless? Its a scary thing. You can think about the scent of your recent farts or even what you have eaten the past 24 hours, but you never really know what is going to happen. It seems completely random, doesn’t it? One moment you’ll be farting clean, odorless gas and then
you let another one slide and it completely fouls up the entire office!
Why is there so much variation in the smell of one’s gas and why does the stink vary even in people who are eating practically the same meals every day? Well, I took to googling it and stumbled upon an insightful article by Men’s Fitness
. Here is an excerpt that I think answers our question:
“Every person has a slightly different collection of bacteria and yeasts in their gut, and each organism contributes a slightly different nuance to the overall fragrance and volume of gas. Just as a fine wine keeps the palate stimulated with a variety of taste “notes,” each person’s unique batch of intestinal organisms lends shading to the stench of their farts. Your roommate (and my brother, apparently) simply have a collection of organisms that produce a horrid, malodorous, voluminous reek.”
So it is completely random! If you are one of those people that has a collection of organismis that produce a horrid, malodorous, voluminous reek (like myself), then you are just screwed for life. But my favorite thing about the article is that it offers a bit of hope at the end in a new product:
“In 1997, Chester Weimer was granted patent No. 5593398 entitled “Protective underwear with malodorous flatus filter.” The undergarment has a pocket on the rear that has a replaceable activated charcoal packet, which the subject farts through. The sound and odor are muffled by passage through the filter. I’d suggest buying a pair for your roommate and see if they work. If they do, you’ll be living in a more fart-free environment. If they don’t you will have a hilarious story to tell your friends. Either way it’s win-win for you.”
I have to get me some of these underwears…
It would seem that He Shat She Shat is having a pretty intense bout with constipation of content. You see, its not for LACK of content – its that we sometimes find it difficult to find the time to crap it all out. Our lives get jam packed with waste, discomfort and pain – leading to a constipation of actual content being shatted out onto the site. Our hope is to take some life Ex-lax soon and get things flowing regular again.
Speaking of life changes, I recently changed my work office environment to one of a large cubicle space world to sharing an office with two other individuals. Now normally I would always prefer to share an office. I actually get a window so I can see the real world all day while I work. I have a door I can close when I have a conference call or need to make a personal call. I don’t have to hear as many lame and mind numbing conversations from those around me. It seems the perfect scenario – except one piece. I have stank nasty gas about 74% of the day.
Why is this a problem? Consider the environment. In a large sea of cubicles, there is more air and space for the poo particles and fart air to dissipate and spread out. This means that it is harder to pinpoint who rocked the blow and also minimizes the stink overall. Kind of a watered down Mountain Dew. Less flavor. But when you are sharing an office, you are dealing with enclosed spaces, dense and stagnant air, and silence. The farts are easier to hear, so I have to really work to open my anus for soundless flow. When they stink (again 74% of the time) they immediately rot and hang around my space and slowly rape the noses of those in my office. Its obvious where it comes from.
At this point they haven’t made a point to call me out on it…but its only a matter of time. I pray that I can limit the explosions to 3-4 times a day until I either get rejected back into the sea or get my own office.
Until then I got a stomach ache from holding it in.