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Posts Tagged ‘Toddlers’

Baby Blowout Story #2: The Triple Threat!

May 2, 2012 1 comment

This story comes from long time reader, first time writer who I will call D Fresh.  While not a “blowout” story per se, it captures the spirit:

I was in San Diego working.  My wife and two twin sons were all sick.  One of the boys never pukes but the other and his mother are hardcore pukers at the drop of a hat. While the two boys are playing, the easy-puke son threw up on himself and his brother.  My wife was obviously disgusted and threw the boys in the bathtub to get clean.  A sensible thing to do for a mom, right? 

Soon she hears them laughing and doesn’t think much about it. She goes in to check on them and the other son had pooped in the bathtub, which he was doing every four out of five trips to the bathtub at this point in his life. This time, they had put the poop in each other’s hair and were laughing every time they put on another piece. My wife was super-disgusted and throws them into the shower in the other bathroom. She figured she’d shower with them for craziness containment and efficiency of cleaing them up. As soon as she gets in, she gets overwhelmed with the smell of poop, already being nauseous, and hurls on both boys. To review, we went from one puking on two, then gelling each other’s hair with poop, to mom puking on both of the boys. The power of smell is amazing.

Brotip #1735 – Answering a Toy Phone

April 23, 2012 1 comment

Let me give you a tip from a brand new parent of two little boys (coming direct from www.brotips.com): 

That is about as true as a statement as you’ll ever read – here on He Shat She Shat or anywhere else.  If you are the kind of male that won’t play pretend with your kid when he/she hands you a toy phone, you can go ahead and consider yourself a sucky parent.  Period.  If you are that person, there is still hope for you – but it is going to require that you don’t be such a piece of crap and learn to actually care about something other than yourself.  You up for the challenge?

Potty Training – My Greatest Parenting Fear

March 12, 2012 6 comments
I’m terrified of potty training.  Of all the new and terrifying experiences that come with having a child, the one I am most terrified of is potty training.  I remember growing up and having a friend who was “that kid.”  Yes, Ritchie was five and still peed his pants.  I remember sleeping over at his house in a fort we had made.  Half way through the night it smelled so grotesquely of piss that I had to leave the fort and sleep on the cold floor in the opposite corner of the room to escape the smell.  How did that happen to him?  Was it poor potty training? 
 
I have a theory that you have a very small window when a child is ready to be potty trained.  If you start earlier than that window, then you spend the next 3-12 months cleaning up piss and fecal matter from sheets, floors and blankets.  Endless loads of laundry and disrupted sleep.  But if you let the window pass, you end up with a kid who decides that there is no need to be potty trained – that pissing himself will be an acceptable lifestyle for life.  Only the terrible tauntings and wrath of evil little 5-year-olds will change that kids mind.  Until then, its urine city. 
 
So how do you nail it right in the middle of that precious window?  Given my son’s background, I’m thinking that window might last about 42 seconds instead of a few weeks.  I am waiting for the day he says, “I need go potty” and I am going to jump on that crap immediately.  I have this feeling he is going to only ask once…and that’s it. 
 
Seriously, if you have any potty training tips, I’m an empty receptacle waiting for your knowledge donation.